It hadn't been a good year for Harry Hampton. There were some things to be joyous for. He had been dating Terra Skye for some time and compared to others in his position on the card, at least he had a job. But a job isn't what Harry signed up to Carnage for. Truth be told, he was starting to feel a little like an outcast given the influx of new talent. But if there was one thing Harry believed in, it was never to give up. He knew he had to end 2018 on a high note. He hoped that would happen at Terminal Snowball, but it depended largely on who his opponent was.
"Johnny? Johnny Vegas? Ah hae tae barnie feckin' Johnny Vegas? Whit th' heel is thes?"
It was there in black and white (or black and orange, considering the CW color scheme). Harry Hampton would face Johnny Vegas and if he somehow lost, he'd become the OWF/MVW Lilyass champion. Hampton had no real knowledge of the OWF or MVW, but he knew what that belt was. He knew it was a joke. It was a slap in the face, especially considering he was on the winning team at Ultimate Carnage 4. Why was he reduced to this?
"Wait, you have to fight Johnny? Why did they book Johnny?
"Ah dunnae kinn, Terra. But thes is bullshit. Aam better than openin' th' nicht fightin' an auld cheil (old man) fur a worthless belt."
"Yeah, I'm not sure why that was made either. But look at this way, you can defend me from all those shitty comments he made.
Hampton gives her a look as if to tell her to be serious, and she playfully hits his arm trying to get him to smile. He finally does, but the frustration is still there.
"He's gonnae learn nae tae gab bad abit mah hen."
"Did...you just call me a hen?"
"Wo..man. Woman. Sorry, Terra. Ah was a wee tay caught up in th' scottish tongue thaur."
"I feel like I need a translator when we talk sometimes."
"Nae translatur coods teel ye hoo much Ah loove ye."
"Ugh, that was sappy."
They give each other a kiss and Terra gets up to leave Hampton alone. He looks down at the card on his cell phone again and rolls his eyes. She was right, he will get a chance to embarrass Vegas, but it was hardly worth his talents. As he looked at the phone, it suddenly vibrated and lit up, letting him know that he was getting a call. He answered it.
"Och aye, thes is Harry Hampton."
"Hey kid, this is Johnny Vegas."
Hampton's eyes actually comically went wide, as he was completely surprised that Vegas would be calling him. Why did he think he'd want to talk? Why was he bothering him? More imporantly...
"Hoo did ye gie thes number?"
"I can barely understand you. I'm way too sober for this. Listen..."
He heard Vegas' voice get quieter on the other end, as if he was struggling to get the next words out.
"I know that I make fun of Terra a lot and you but...those are mostly jokes. I'm not a wrestler, Harry. You're gonna hurt me bad if we actually have a match. So just, let me lay down, you pin me and we get this over with."
"Ye jist want me tae tak' it easy oan ye efter aw yoo've said?"
"They were just jokes! Terra understands! It's our thing, our way of livening up the show!"
"Ur ye gonnae gonnae-no makin' fin ay Terra?"
"I'm not going to just..."
"Coz if ye willnae gonnae-no, 'en i've gotta stain up fur 'er."
"That's not fair! I'm not going to censor myself just because some riled up jockie is fucking my broadcast partner!"
Insults against Terra aside, Johnny Vegas just used a slur against him. Jockie could be used as a sign of respect for those in the Highland troops, but he doubted someone like Vegas knew that. He was sure Vegas looked for slurs against the Scots just for this occasion and meant it with every bit of malice it could be used as.
"Whit th' buck did ye caa me?"
"Okay, look...it slipped out. I'm sorry. Just..just forget about it..."
"Ye listen haur, auld cheil. aam wabbit ay ye insultin' a' fowk oan th' roster an' nae gettin' onie receipts coz yoo're a fragile blooter'd."
"SPEAK ENGLISH YOU SCOTTISH RETARD!"
"Hoo is thes? Aam. Gonnae. Kick. Yer. Erse!"
Hampton hangs up the phone, not really caring if Vegas heard him clearly or not. He tossed the phone aside in anger and stewed until Terra came back in, drink in hand.
"Who was that, Harry?"
"Some dumb buck fa is gonnae regrit whit he said at Terminal Snowbaa."
Johnny Vegas would still be the Lilyass champion after the next Chaos, but if Hampton had his way, he might not be heard on CW TV for a long time to come. It would be a proper holiday season after all. A proper end of the Carnage year. A proper Hogmanay.
