Get With The Times

"Yeah, I was just at home in bed, and I thought, 'I’d like to do a cameo.'"

- Steve Martin, Saturday Night Live

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"I still think this is a horrible idea."

JC hadn't seen his brother in-person for a while, mostly because of his busy schedule and partially because of the pandemic. He hadn't even seen his own daughter in an effort to keep her safe, so obviously a visit to the only other blood relative he had left was out of the question.

And for someone who had been largely out of the business for years, the man formerly known as GI sure had a lot of ideas on how to stay relevant in it.

"Come on, bro. I know we're both getting up there in years, but even I know you have to keep your finger on the pulse to succeed."

"Yeah, you do a lot of that. I remember when you had your friend Jack pretend to kill wild animals in a Pokemon Go skit."

"That um...that wasn't a skit. And he wasn't pretending."

"Disturbing."

JC had his laptop out, and he pulled up the website. Cameo.com. Promising fans that they could get personalized messages from their favorite celebrities. Seemed ridiculous but at the same time, looking at the prices had him notice that it was also an easy way to clean up, money-wise. His brother looked over his shoulder to guide him along.

"Carole Baskin is charging $299!?"

"What the fuck is a Carole Baskin?"

"The internet tells me she fed a guy to a tiger."

Joe continued the scroll the list of names, trying to gauge how much he could charge. Apparently, name value had no bearing on how much they were earning.

"Gary Busey wants $350. Remember when he was a champion in OWF?"

"That didn't happen."

"Oh it did. I saw it. Nobody said OWF was perfect."

He scrolled down to the end of the website and clicked on the ''Enroll as Talent' button. A form popped up with the usual information: name, phone number, things like that. He entered the appropriate info and then looked at his brother a moment, rolling his eye. 
"I swear, if this makes me look stupid, I'm going to kick your ass."

"Lighten up, bro. It'll be fun!"

Eric looked at Joe for a moment, then reconsidered his statement.

"Oh yeah, I forgot who I'm talking to. You don't know how to have fun."

Joe let out a humorless laugh, then kept typing. 

"I know how to have fun. Making a fool of myself isn't it."

With the short form filled out, JC sent out a tweet declaring to the world it was safe to send him requests. 

"Again, lighten up. You may actually like it. You need to step into 2020 and get with the times, bro."

Joe rolled his eyes, then opened up his email to wait requests of some kind. He had his doubts, because there wasn't much about life he was enjoying these days.

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Weeks earlier, JC had something else to not enjoy: another loss at Wrestlestock. He flamed out on day one, proving that he couldn't even win the Chaos title as much as he wanted to. And that had made his third loss in a row and a month straight. He sat in the locker room, angrily tearing the wrist tape off his hands before tossing it across the room. As it had no weight to it, it sort of fluttered in the air before landing less than a foot away.

"Can't even fucking throw things right, apparently."

It was a sad state of affairs that 2020 was not JC's year. Nothing had been going right for him. He was running Carnage, but he couldn't enjoy that for very long. He made his in-ring return at UGWC but he was losing. He was back together with Lucy, and yes, they were going to be married in the future, but they also were in the middle of some serious repairs.

He had multiple doubts about who he was, how good he was and how he fit into the wrestling landscape that was 2020. He also regretted taking his medication, as he thought if he had, maybe he would be sitting in the locker room with a title belt instead of being alone with nothing to show for his efforts.

He yanked off the wrist tape from his other hand and instead of disappointing himself again, let it drop to the ground in disgust. 

If JC wanted to make excuses, he could. It wasn't a wrestling match. It was a glorified game of Double Dare or something similar. It did absolutely nothing to establish who was better than the others. Sloane proved nothing. The only one who really lost was Tempest, because he was without his belt.

But that didn't matter.

What mattered is the championship belt JC didn't have.

He tore off one of his gloves now, before chucking them across the ring. They hit the locker nearby with an audible 'smack', which was satisfying enough, but he really just wanted to break something. Or set something on fire. Since both would either be illegal or result in fines, he simply stewed.

Lucy peeked her head inside.

"Are there any other naked people in here?"

"Just me. Although I'm not naked yet."

"That's a shame."

She grinned a little, although JC really wasn't in the mood to joke around.

"I saw your match. Well, what they called a match."

"Yeah? Then you should know what kind of mood I'm in."

"Which is exactly why I'm here."

She walked over to the bench he was sitting on and then nudged him with her hip. 

"Scoot."

She sat down next to him, then scooted closer, taking his hand into hers and wrapping her arms around his.

"It was one loss, Joe. You are better than this and you will bounce back."

He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"That's easy for you to say, Luce. You beat me last year. You are probably going to win the Wrestlestock Open, something I didn't do. You've won a title here, something else I didn't do. If OWF didn't close, you probably would have been champion before me there too. You've been better than me for a long time."

"Joe..."

"I've heard the whispers, you know. The second you arrived. Do you know what they're calling me? Not The Answer. Not a legend. Not a threat. They're calling me 'Lucy Wylde's fiance.' As if that's all I am and nothing more. And I think they may be right."

She wasn't thrilled by this, but didn't let go. She just elbowed him in the ribs, harder than she would if she was playing. Lucy was a little angry with him and she let him know it.

"You're not just my fiance though. You know that.  We're two different people with two different philosophies about how we handle this business.  You can't compare yourself to me... You're great in your own right, Joe."

He sighed and leaned his head over to kiss the top of hers. 

"I've been in my own head a lot lately. Ever since...what happened."

His mental breakdown. The end of his Carnage career. His constant struggle between not slipping back into psychosis and not becoming a joke in the ring. Saving his relationship with her. He had a lot on his mind. A lot.

And she knew it.

"We're working on that. And don't let what's going on up here..."

She reached up and poked him in the temple as she said this.

"...or what's going on between us let you doubt how good you are."

He tore off the other glove and let it fall. He was calming down now, although that didn't change the doubts he was having about himself. But the regrets about not letting his dark passenger slip out were definitely gone. After all, he would lose the support he was getting right now, the love he was getting.

But that didn't change the doubts. Or the growing feeling that it was getting time to take his boots off for the last time.

"I don't know how good I am anymore. I can't remember the last time I beat anyone relevant."

"I do. You beat the holy hell out of Sandtown Kid last year."

"You...remembered that?"

"I am your biggest fan, you know. It's like I like you or something."

"It was still a year ago. And he was basically a rookie."

"Last I checked, he held the Ultraviolent title in Carnage Wrestling for fifteen months, longer than anyone else."

"Okay, you might have a point."

She nudged him again with her elbow, although softer and more playful this time.

"I usually am right when it comes to you."

"But still, I haven't done very well here."

"You hadn't wrestled in six months or more when you started here, and they kept putting you against nobodies. You haven't wrestled top-tier competition since last October. It's going to take time to get used to it again, and you know it. You of all people should know it. This isn't your first losing streak and it won't be your last."

"Okay, but.."

"Besides, someone who wasn't any good wouldn't be able to be as dominant in the Massive Melee as you were."

"Fine."

He smiled a little bit, and surprised himself in doing so.

"Thanks, Luce."

"It's what I'm here for. Now what do you say we go to Eden's Oasis?"

"Oh god, do we have to?"

She laughed and let go of him, before getting to her feet. 

"I have to at least show up. You can do whatever you want."

"Well I definitely have to change first."

"So you'll definitely be naked, then?"

"Oh shut up."

They both laughed now, Joe doing so in spite of himself. Lucy was right. He was better than he currently thought he was. But that didn't stop the doubts. He wondered when they would stop, or if they would stop. Even with everything he had going for him and every thing she just said, he still wondered how much time he had left.

Maybe it was time to get with the times and let the younger generation take over.

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He turned on his laptop's webcam and glanced back at GI, who was relaxing on the couch in the apartment JC shared with Lucy. He also had his feet up on the coffee table while he played what looked to be a Nintendo 3DS. 

"Lucy is going to murder you if she catches you like that."

"Pfft, I'm not afraid of her."

"It's your funeral. I'm going to record an old school promo for Synergy while I do these Cameo requests. Two birds with one stone."

"Isn't that going to be weird to interrupt one thing to do another?"

"That's why there are editing programs."

He turned the laptop so that GI wasn't in the frame, as he didn't want anyone to be distracted. He had a lot to say and a lot to get off his chest. He clicked record and saw the light next to the camera flick on. 

I'm sure there's been a lot of talk about me lately. The way I see it, there are two groups of people. Those who think I'm some legend, a first-ballot hall of famer. There are others who think I've done nothing of note, especially in UGWC, and am better known as Lucy Wylde's fiance these days. But no one's really stopped to ask me what I think.

So here's what I think. I'm neither. And I don't have a thing to prove to a single one of you. I don't have some reputation to live up to for the ones who revere me and I don't have to show just how good I am to the ones who doubt me. Everything I do in UGWC, I do because I want to prove things to myself. There's only one person on this roster who's opinion matters to me, and she already proved that none of you can lace her boots. 

Now it's time for me to do the same. Not for you, but for me. Like I've said already, this wouldn't be any fun if it was easy. I may be in a slump. I may have been a little too arrogant. But I've also realized that maybe I should stop pushing for greatness and let greatness come naturally to me. Maybe I should just go with the flow, and stop putting so much pressure on myself. Get down to doing what makes me happy. And what makes me happy is hurting people.

Oh I'm sorry, did you expect something more noble from Lucy Wylde's fiance? Sorry guys. Lucy's noble. I'm an asshole. 

There was a ding on his phone, letting him know that a Cameo request came in. He glanced down at it and looked back at his brother.

"What?"

"You interrupted my train of thought."

"Blah blah blah, I'm going to destroy you, blah blah blah. Do the Cameo thing."

"It's your thing. I can just say it to your face."

"Yeah but they won't know you're serious about taking requests. Dooooo it."

JC sighed, opened up his email and looked at it. He sighed again realizing what GI wanted him to say, but figured he'd go with it anyway.

"Hello....all you cool cats and kittens. This is JC, reminding you that I am indeed on Cameo. This is real. I am really, really taking requests for money. Don't be a square, send yours in now."

GI had a grin on his face and was failing at an attempt to hold in laughter.

"I really hate you."

"You won't when people start paying."

GI went back to playing his game and JC shook his head to refocus and continue on with what he had to say.

I sit here not as the World Champion, not as the Chaos champion, but as someone who has held enough titles to know how good I am. Everyone has a slump. I'm not going to make excuses or demands, because I just plan to push forward. But I will say this, the slump ends at Synergy. How could it not? Look at my opponent.

Is it bad form to criticize another veteran? Maybe. I do know it's really bad form to beat up on a senior citizen but I'm going to do that anyway. Not for any made up reasons other than I want to. I think you don't have to be a genius to realize that I was going to want to take my frustrations out on someone the second I lost at Wrestlestock. The monkeys in charge of UGWC realized that, and I guess they don't like you, Sah'ta Thor, because they decided to make you the sacrificial lamb.

I think you need to get whatever delusions you have about me out of your head quick, or I'm going to be scraping you off my boot by the time our match is over. 

Oh hell, I'm going to be doing that anyway. You're very much in a position of wrong place, wrong time. I was dangerous enough to begin with, but now I've got all this pent up rage from recent defeats on top of it. Do you really think that's going to end well for you, Thor? You're not even the first Thor I've faced in my career and I beat his ass twenty years ago. You're old enough, you might even be the same one. Ever work for BTW? 

His phone dinged again. He looked at it and turned back to his brother, incredulous.

"I know this is you!"

"Is not! It's clearly an Asian man named Dong Li Wang."

"You'd better hope that's a real name or the internet is going to cancel you. And rightfully so, you dick."

The phone dinged again, so he ignored the first request and saw another one. He looked back at GI, who threw his hands up in the air.

"My phone is on the table!"

Joe read it to himself and then groaned. 

"No, this one wasn't you. 'JC, tell everyone how it felt when you were crucified.'"

"What show was that at?"

"It didn't happen it's..it's a whole thing."

"So who's asking?"

"It's some random user name. NotDeadAnymore. I'm pretty sure it's Eden Morgan but there's no way I can prove that."

"Well if they paid, you'd better do it.

JC mumbled something under his breath and then looked at the camera to do his next Cameo video.

"This may not be what you paid for, but I well tell everyone how it felt to be crucified. I have no idea. It didn't happen. I'm not Jesus Christ and I don't think I am. And if this is Eden, don't you have better things to do?"

"You're not very good at this."

"Shut up."

He sat for a moment trying to figure out what he was even saying to his opponent at Synergy. It felt like hours since he was stringing together his promo. He collected himself and continued.

Now, there's been a lot of talk about the two of us being in Carnage, but this is not about that. This is UGWC and that's all that matters. Maybe it's true. Maybe I've been a little bit of a talker and my actions haven't lived up to that lately. Maybe I'm running on fumes. Maybe I'm coasting on my former accolades. But what the fuck have you done? No, I don't mean elsewhere, I mean here. Maybe you should worry about your own career before you focus too much on mine, you fuckin' hypocrite.

I know what you think. You think that because I'm in a slump you're gonna make your career here at my expense. I may have lost my last three matches, but let's be very clear. Only one person has pinned me here. And if you think you're even close to the level of talent that is required to do the same, you're more vain than Alan Wallace ever could be. 

You bring your Parasite Eve. You bring your Seraphim's Shadow and you bring whatever other video game reference you want to shoehorn into a finisher name. You can even go find Mjolnir and bring that for all I care. It won't do you any good. I've got plenty of moves but only one that I need to beat you. And let me tell you something, they didn't add 'of Death' to the name because it needed to be snappier.

If you step in that ring and think I'm an easy win, I'll kick your addled brain out of your brittle skull, old-timer.

Another ding. He thought about looking back at his brother but decided it didn't really matter. The user was familiar, because she was also using her Twitter handle. 'DistortedAmber'. The Carnage Wrestling World Champion. 'Tell the world how it felt to lose to Jack Michaels only for me to beat him a couple of months later.'

He glared at the camera.

"Oh fuck you, Amber."

His brother just started laughing.

"Damn dude, you'd think she kicked your dog or something."

"I would really just like to finish this and move on with my day."

Eric shrugged and resumed his game. JC heard the familiar chime of Mario collecting a coin from the DS.

At the end of the day, I'm going to beat you so bad here, you're going to reconsider working for me in Carnage. I'm sure I'll have to answer to HR on Tuesday, but luckily fighting your in another promotion is a nice little loophole.

The slump ends on Monday. Be warned, UGWC. It's time to start doing what I do best: breaking people.

He reached forward and pressed a button on his laptop, effectively ended the recording session. Any Cameo requests would have to wait. He shut the laptop and looked over at his brother. 

"That was the worst promo I ever did."

"I didn't think it was that bad."

"I got interrupted four times!"

"Yeah, but, the magic of editing. Unless you accidentally send the whole thing in. That would be embarrassing."

JC grumbled under his breath, then turned his head around when he saw his fiancee coming into the room. GI, in spite of what he said earlier, immediately removed his feet from the coffee table.