- Dwight, Sin City
The problem with the truth is that ultimately, it will hurt somebody. Whether it causes emotional pain to the person learning the truth or causes harm to the person telling it, the fact is that the truth is almost never a universal good. That's why so many people lie. Lying is easier, lying is safe. Lying prevents someone from dealing with the consequences of the truth getting out, whatever that may be.
JC had spent a lot of time in his life lying to people. He lied to his ex-wife (the second one) multiple times, under the guise that he was protecting her. He swore to himself he would never do that to Lucy, then when it came time to tell her the truth about failing to take his medication, he lied to her too. The repercussions of the lie caused a rift that was only just now closing. The truth was something he, at the time, thought would hurt him even more, as it might cause him to face the fact he wasn't as good without his mean streak.
But that was all in the past, and now he found himself at a very similar crossroads.
He had been dealing with a neck issue. A gradual deterioration of another disc which the doctor described as a time bomb. He had the option to end his career now, on his own terms, or keep pushing and have someone end it for him. Or worse, cripple him.
That wasn't his crossroads. He'd already made that decision. He loved this business too much and he had goals he had left to accomplish. As far as he was concerned, going out due to injury was ending his career on his own terms.
He decided he would rather die on his sword than run away from the battle entirely. He wasn't about to let some doctor tell him when to retire. That decision was his and his alone. And if he had to risk it all just to prove how good he was, then that was what he would do.
As his fiancée loved to point out, he was damn stubborn. She just didn't know how stubborn, because he hadn't told her yet. It's not that he didn't want to, he just hadn't had the chance. And he was trying to think of the right way to say it, because he knew she would feel guilty at giving him the stinger that led to his discovery.
Lucy Wylde couldn't function if she didn't feel guilty about something. She probably viewed it as a negative, but he admired it. It just meant she cared more than others. There was nothing wrong with that.
Joe found himself in a hotel room, alone, the night before Synergy. He would have rather had Lucy there with him. It was tough finding the love of your life and then finding yourself forced to sleep without them. Just having her nestled against him provided the sense of security that only someone you truly cared about could provide.
In other words, he was lonely.
But he was at yet another Synergy happening on the same night as a Carnage event. She was booked there and he was booked here. The fact that he had to run the show remotely was also annoying, but mostly he just wanted her with him.
He grabbed his phone and sent her a video call, hoping she was still awake. Perhaps she was training, perhaps she was out with friends.
To his surprise, her face popped up on the screen after only one ring.
"Joe?"
"Hey Luce, what's going on?"
"You called me."
"Yeah, I meant in the general sense."
She chuckled softly, lips turning into a half-smile. Marrying her was going to be one of the best decisions he ever made, he thought to himself.
"I'm literally doing nothing."
"Sounds exciting."
"Would be more exciting if I had someone here to do nothing with."
She had that playful look in her eye, and this time it was Joe who smiled.
"Here's hoping we both aren't too sore after tomorrow."
He then remembered what it was he called her for, as he had been lost in just being with her for a moment.
"I actually called for a reason. Wanted to tell you in person but I figured this was better than, you know, not telling you at all."
Lucy's face immediately turned into one of concern, as Joe was not the type of person to beat around the bush on things. Even though he really wanted to lately, as he had no interest in worrying her unnecessarily.
"Is something wrong?"
"Sort of? I'm kind of unsure how to even say it, because I've played this conversation a million times in my head and you don't react well."
"I feel like I should be insulted."
"I feel like you should listen first."
She nodded, realizing that ignoring her joke was another sign that he was serious. Their dynamic was one of mutual respect and even with their quirks, insecurities and snark, they generally knew when to listen to one another and when to stop talking.
"Okay, so remember a few weeks back when we were training and you were...aggressive?"
"I apologized for that."
He ignored the comment, because if he stopped to address it, he might not continue.
"I was slow getting up. I have no idea if you remember, but you made some crack about me being old."
She just nodded again. He wasn't sure if she was saying she remembered or not, but it wasn't the point so he continued.
"I was slow to get up because I couldn't feel my legs for like, maybe a second or two. It came back quickly and I just played it off."
"Fuck, Joe...why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I knew you'd worry like you are now."
"Yeah but..."
"I know. Honesty. Trust me, I always planned to tell you, which is why I'm telling you now. I just wanted to get answers before, you know, making you worry about me unnecessarily. You've got a lot on your plate right now."
Instead of the irritation he thought she'd have, she sighed and turned her head away. Great. She felt guilty. He had a feeling she might, but upsetting her made him feel like shit just the same. Even if this was something that wasn't the fault of either one of them.
"Okay, okay. Yeah... I understand. So whats the damage?"
He hesitated for a moment, cautious of how to word it so she wouldn't hate herself later, then continued.
"Lucy, it's important you don't blame yourself for this. This was going to happen anyway. My doctor said so."
"Probably not as quickly if I wouldn't have done that..."
"Could have happened just as easily at Melee or any other match before or after."
"But I didn't help things any. Fuck... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Joe. What did the doctor say?"
JC sighed, and found himself absentmindedly rubbing his throat, where a mostly faded but still present scar reminded him of the last time his neck was operated on. She wasn't making the act of telling her any easier, because in addition to his own worries, he was taking on hers as well. And her guilt. And a creeping sensation of self-loathing because he was irritated at her for worrying about him. This wasn't her fault, but she wasn't going to listen. And he knew that what he said next was going to make how she felt worse.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. I've got another disc that's swollen. Doctor literally called it a time bomb. Said if I take the wrong bump, my career is over. If I take a worse bump, I might not walk. He wants me to hang it up."
He wanted her with him more than ever. He pushed forward.
"This wasn't your fault. It was going to happen anyway. If anything, what you did allowed the doctor to catch it and so now when I go out there again I can adjust."
"I know you're trying to make me feel better, but..."
She shook her head and looked away again.
"I'm not, though. These are the facts, Luce. It was a damn back bump. Do you know how many of those I get hit with? I'm glad it happened. At least now I know."
She nodded, but she still didn't look at him. If he were there, he'd pull her close and try to reassure her, while screaming internally because of his own anxieties over the possibilities. But they were miles and miles apart.
"Please look at me. I know you're going to blame yourself, that's what you do, but you have to trust me on this."
There was a long pause. Then she finally turned toward him with wet eyes, nodding.
"Okay."
"So...you understand that I'm going to keep wrestling anyway, right?"
She sighed again.
"Yeah. Well I can't say shit to you about that now can I?"
They were in similar boats, and just like he was, she wasn't exactly going public with what was wrong with her.
"Nope. You're just as stubborn as I am."
"Yeah. But just be careful..okay? If you feel off... please don't put yourself at risk. I need you around for a long time to come..."
"Trust me, Luce. I'm not going anywhere."
"You better not be. You're it for me Joe."
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Some people say we are defined by our successes. I'm more of someone who believes that we're truly defined by our failures. How we respond to them, how we adjust, how we move on.
It causes me a great deal of pain to say that I failed to win the Massive Melee, but that's what happened. And I'll give credit where it's due, Konrad Raab shocked me. I'll never take him lightly again, no matter how badly that will turn out for him.
Sure, I threw out four people. I had more eliminations than anyone. I tossed out three former World champions and the current Chaos champion. That's impressive. For anyone else, that might be enough to crow about. I've seen wrestlers ride the momentum of far less.
But that's not me.
I'm absolutely disgusted that I didn't win. I'm better than that. I'm better than dismissing someone like Raab in a match where anyone can eliminate anybody at any time. I didn't get to the spot I'm at today by just approaching these things casually. I let myself get in my own head and believe my own hype, when I should have been staying focused.
So ultimately, in spite of the loss, I consider Melee to be a positive. Not for what I did, but for what I didn't do. It was a humbling experience, to have my dreams go up in smoke, leaving me at square one. Perhaps if I had won, I would have overlooked Angelica Vaughn too and suffered an even worse defeat.
Now, I do what I always do. I adjust. I refocus. I get better. I take out my frustrations on my next opponent.
Yes, Alan Wallace, this song is definitely about you.
I know exactly who you are. A former three-time World champion. Five-time Cross-Hemisphere champion. Five-time co-op champion. And that's just in UGWC. You've earned the right to be vain. But vanity has a price, as my last match, and hell, your last match, proved.
Who threw who out of that?
Oh, that's right.
I'm the reason you're not going to Wrestlestock. You're welcome.
Make no mistake about it, I may have been humbled at Melee, but I am still damn confident in my abilities. I meant it when I said I'm looking forward to this match. A real test of my skills against a decorated former champion.
I may be better than what happened at Melee, but you know what else I'm better than? Fighting someone in a fucking coffee shop.
I'm also better than you.
That seems bold, brash, and possibly infringing on your gimmick to say, but I believe it. I have to believe it, because if I don't push myself to being the best every single time I go out there, then I don't deserve to be out there to begin with.
So yeah, I know who you are. I know you're more than your many nicknames. I know you're accomplished. But, and this is very important, I don't care. The accomplishments of 'Vain' Alan Wallace are just words to me. They're footnotes on a career and life that only has a bearing on mine on this one night.
It's like I keep telling people. You're just bodies.
That doesn't mean I'm taking you lightly, because I'll never do that again. But I don't give a fuck who you are or where you came from. I didn't come here looking for allies or friends. I came here to be champion. As a fellow veteran, I think you understand that. If you're as passionate as you say you are, you feel the same about me.
I give you the respect that you're owed and no more. Trust me, when you're headed to the back feeling every single blow your body took in this match, you'll know just how much I respected you. Know that the fact you're getting the JC that dropped Jet Somers on his head back at Wrestlestock 2017 shows exactly how much I'm taking this seriously.
You're right. You're not Crystal Zdunich. You're not Prixius Deimos. But that's bad news for you, because that means I'm not taking any chances.
I'm better than you. I believe it. I know it. When you wake up Tuesday morning, you'll believe it too.
Unfortunately, the education process is going to really, really hurt.
If 'The Answer' to the best wrestler in UGWC is you, then it's time to change the question.
