Unexpected Surprises

December 24, 2012

The table in the dining room was brand new. It was a tan oak number, recently purchased for the express purpose of being used for a Christmas dinner. As such, it was now adorned with a white cloth stretching from end to end. There were platters here and there, including a variety of foods: deviled eggs (a first attempt that was better than expected), cranberry sauce, rolls, potatoes, green bean casserole. It was basically a remake of Thanksgiving Day dinner, and a ham replacing the turkey. As such, it was also a poor remake, as ham was considered by all to be a less favorable option.

Oak wood and bits of food meant nothing more than what they represented. This was the first Christmas, in a lot of ways, for Joseph Lee and Stacy Sanders, soon to both share his name. The big day was in two months, but neither were focused on that. Now was the time for family, of sorts, and representing the changes the two had had in their lives. They were engaged. She was clean for the third (and hopefully final) time of her painkiller addiction. He was waiting to finalize a lease on a building to open his own gym. Things were looking up after what appeared to a death blow to the final strands of happiness between the pair.

To paraphrase a film, they crawled through a tunnel of shit and came out clean on the other side.

Not that any of that mattered now. Now they were busy making final preparations to welcome a portion of Stacy's rather large family over for Thanksgiving. Her sister Michelle, Michelle's partner...whose name JC couldn't remember, and Stacy's mother and brother Charlie were all coming in. JC hadn't met the latter two yet but he did meet Michelle and immediately guessed they would never get along. He didn't want to spend his holiday walking on eggshells.

It didn't help that he generally hated Christmas these days anyway. The thoughts of joy and love meant nothing when he had no family of his own. He was the odd man out. He was the broken bulb dimming the other lights on the tree. His parents had been dead for a couple of decades. His brother might as well be. He sent Eric an obligatory Christmas card this year but was positive they ended up in the trash. He ended their relationship because he was doing what he thought was right at the time. He had since grown to hate himself and hate the holiday because he couldn't spend it with the only person left in his bloodline.

So he had no real love for the season, but he was both grinning and bearing it for the sake of his fiancee. She elected to stay in Jersey this year and only some of her family was making the trip. The rest were too spread out and it was rare they got together. He hated Christmas, but he wasn't going to ruin hers. As far as he was concerned, she was the only reason he'd had any joy at all this year. That was why he proposed to her in October, six months after she last used and they worked to get her off of it themselves. So far, so good.

He wondered where he'd be if he kept living alone, but the thought was so depressing he let it slip to the back of his mind for that voice to taunt him with later.

Fake it until you make it.

The problem was faking it was equally hard, and any time he experienced a fraction of excitement or happiness he'd have a voice creeping up to let him know that it would go wrong at any second. As he lamented this latest salvo from the ongoing war in his mind, he noticed a hand waving in front of his face.

"You okay, Joe?"

"What? Sorry, I was just thinking."

He realized he had been standing there halfway slicing the ham for about two or three minutes before Stacy caught him. He just got caught up in his own angst and forgot about everything else. In other words, he was teetering close to the end of doing what he just finished promising himself he wouldn't do.

A typical day in JC's head.

He set down the knife before it had finished his job and turned to wrap his arms around his new fiancee.

"Oh, we really don't have time for this."

"Make time. I have something I want to say."

She frowned at him, but in that sort of way that she was clearly enjoying the attention. She was humoring him even though her family would be here any minute and she wanted it all to be perfect.

"I know you want this holiday to be special, and I'm going to work to make it that way for you. I just want you to know that."

"But..."

"But nothing. I know I don't get along with your sister and I know I have my own hangups, but none of that matters. We're together, we're in love, it's time to make a new family."

He reached down and kissed her, for a good minute more than they really had. He could have ignored everything else to keep doing it. He would have, and yet the doorbell ringing put an end to it.

"They're here."

"You don't have to say it an ominous tone."

She left him there to go and invite her family inside. Her family. JC wondered what it was like to even have a big family. All he had ever known were his parents and his brother, with the occasional relative popping up and dying off. He found it unlikely he'd ever have his own kids, so maybe Stacy's family was it for him. Maybe he should treat them like they're the lifeboat keeping him from falling into an ocean of perpetual loneliness.

"Maybe I should get out of my own head for a bit and try to have a good time."

He decided to follow Stacy into the living room where she was busy hugging on her brother. Her sister stood in the corner with her wife and their mother was in a wheelchair. He guessed she wasn't used to it, given how uncomfortable she seemed. As an outsider looking in, he felt a little uncomfortable himself. Stacy looked back and saw him, then waved him forward.

"Well, I guess Michelle and Jennifer already met him but Charlie, mom, this is my fiance Joe."

He offered as genuine a smile as he could muster, but this wasn't a good day for him. His smile felt hollow, likely because he was keeping up appearances for the sake of his future bride. He stepped forward to introduce himself.

"Hi everyone, I'm the guy stealing her away from you."

It was Charlie who chimed in.

"It's about time someone did."

With that the ice was broken and everyone laughed a bit. Even JC, in spite of the way hes was feeling today. Maybe Christmas would be okay this year. Even if it wasn't, Stacy seemed happy. Her happiness was all that really mattered. He could break down just his own sad state of affairs another time.

The rest of the night would carry on as you'd expect. A lot of stories about how they met, how their first dates went. A lot of secrets about how she relapsed earlier this year that would likely get exposed later. A lot of JC hiding behind false sincerity when he was hurting inside.

More than anything else, he missed his younger brother. He would fake happiness, he would pretend to be outgoing, but it didn't change the fact that it was Christmas, and his brother hated him.

No amount of Christmas cheer was going to get him back and JC didn't believe in miracles.

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December 24, 2016

JC had been questioning a lot about his wife in the past month or so. She guessed that he did most of it in his head, but now with the holidays fast approaching, he was doing it more in the open. He didn't like secrets, even though kept a few from her himself. He thought maybe she had been using again, but she reassured him that he wasn't. 

It didn't change the fact that she was distant and it seemed like she was hiding things. She knew all of this, but she had her reasons. It didn't help that his own brother, who he was on speaking terms with but still estranged from, seemed to know more than he did about the situation. 

She meant to tell him what it was all about weeks ago, but something always came up. First he was preparing for a match with wrestling icon Will Prydor, a man he greatly respected. Then, the OWF, JC's wrestling home, shut down without warning. It left him feeling uprooted, even if he was the Carnage Wrestling tag team champion. 

With all that was troubling her husband, Stacy kept putting off her news until the last minute. She didn't want to risk upsetting him. She didn't want to worry him. She realized how silly she was being, but Joe went through a lot in the last year. The last thing he needed was to know that he now had another mouth to feed.

As it turned out, she was very pregnant. JC was going to be a father.

He just didn't know it yet.

She knew she would have to tell him eventually. After all, she was just about at the point where she would start showing and even if he's preoccupied, he would notice her normally fit body developing the telltale baby bump. She decided that Christmas Eve would be perfect. It was to be her Christmas present to him. 

They had invited their mutual friends in the business like Lucy and CJ Wylde, as well as Trent Steel. Trent declined to spend time with his kids but the Wyldes seemed to imply they would show up. Her family, given how far apart they all were and how tumultuous the year had been, would not be coming this year. She also invited his brother, although she hadn't told him that yet either. 

One big reveal at a time.

She found himself standing in front of his trophy case in the basement, which contained replicas of every title he ever won. He kept it down here with a makeshift wrestling ring and other various equipment as motivation. It was a spacious basement, bigger than you might think from the home. When he wasn't training, it was where he went to think. At the moment, he had his back to the case, punching away at a bag. He was definitely not in the best of moods, but he handled it much better these days.

She made her way down the steps, hoping she didn't catch a splinter in her foot from the wooden planks. Of course, he knew she was coming, because the stairs creaked. It was something he meant to fix. 

"Hey hon, do you have a minute?"

He stopped punching and let the bag come to a stop before he replied. He had really been laying into it, from the sound of his heavy breathing.

"Yeah...I've got time. All the time in the world these days. What's up?"

"Maybe we should have a seat somewhere, I think it's time I told you a thing or two."

She saw him look at her with an eyebrow raised. He told her that whatever she wanted to tell him, as long as it wasn't bad news, she could when she was ready. She knew that he wanted to know but she also knew he respected her enough not to pry anymore. He did the 'concerned husband' thing and she told him that he had to switch to 'patient husband' instead. That was, of course, before the recent troubles.

They approached the ring and he hopped up on the side, lifting her next to him as if she were weightless. Sometimes she forgot how strong he was, or how quick.

"Okay, I know I've been sick a lot lately and I've been distant. I'm glad that you believe I'm not using anymore."

"I asked, you said no. That's good enough for me. Like you said, we're too old for secrets."

"Which is why I'm telling you this now. I wanted to tell you before, but the OWF thing happened.."

He looked down for a moment. For all the talk he had about wanting to 'destroy' the OWF in his return, the news of its closure was really hitting him hard. He had worked so hard to rebuild himself there and now it was all gone on little more than a whim.

She took his hand in hers to continue.

"You don't need to be upset anymore, Joe. In fact, I think you have a lot to be excited for."

To clue him in on exactly what she meant, she placed his hand on her abdomen, where new life, life they created, was growing.

"You're going to be a father, Joe. I'm pregnant."

"You're...you're what?"

That wasn't quite the reaction she was looking for. In fact, if she had to put her finger on what she saw in his eyes, she would classify it as fear. That seemed preposterous to her, almost alien in how foreign the thought was, but she saw a flash of it. Was he worried he wouldn't make a good father? Was he worried he was too old? 

She decided to repeat her announcement, just to make sure he heard her correctly.

"I'm pregnant. I found out about a month ago."

He hopped off the homemade ring apron and began to pace, which made her nervous. It reminded her of worse times, when he was a prisoner of his own psychosis. 

"And you're waiting until NOW to tell me? Fuck, Stace, that's...that's a huge news and you just casually drop it in my lap."

"Like I said, I tried..."

"After a month. After all that's happened...and you just..."

He ran his hands through his hair. He was angry, that much was certain. She didn't know if he was actually angry with her or if something else was bugging him. Either way, it was scary to watch him pacing again. She couldn't blame his illness if he was on medication. She knew she had good reason to keep this from him, but that didn't change the fact that he didn't like it.

He turned away from her and punched the bag hard enough to make it sway forward. 

"Joe, you're scaring me."

He stopped mid-punch, then looked at her. They both knew he would never hurt her, but it didn't matter. The anger had washed away, at least from his face. She hopped off the apron and walked over to him. She took his hand again, but he pulled it away.

"I'm not angry with you."

"You're sure acting like it. You're acting a lot like someone who doesn't want a kid."

"It's not..."

He looked at her again and she saw that flash of fear again, mixed with a generally pained look. He turned his head away and then turned his body toward the stairs. 

"I gotta go."

JC turned his back on his wife and almost flew up the steps, leaving her fighting the urge to cry. She felt as if she just ruined everything with a surprise she thought would cheer him up. She wanted to give him time to stew or do whatever it is he felt like doing, but then she started to get angry.

How dare he?

Of all the things she thought she could tell him to elicit anger, she didn't think "I'm pregnant" would be one of them. What reason could he possibly have to get that angry about it? She had a valid reason for keeping it from him. It was all for his benefit. 

Maybe someone else would be upset right now. Maybe some other woman would shed tears. But Stacy Lee was angry and she planned to let her husband hear about it. 

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December 24, 2016

It was about half an hour later when he finally found himself done walking. It was about the same time that snow had begun to fall in Jersey City. 

Between the OWF and now this, he was having bombshell after bombshell dropped on him and he wasn't in the right state of mind to handle it. 

After all, he usually hated the holidays. They were a constant reminder of the family he had lost. This year, he sent Eric a better than average Christmas card. While he didn't expect it to go in the trash this time, he doubted he would hear anything else about it. So much so he put it out of his mind completely. At this point, he was used to Christmas without his brother.

As for learning he was expectant, he knew he reacted poorly. The truth was, he knew he should be ecstatic and under other circumstances, perhaps he would. But he had a lot on his mind and the thoughts that bubbled up once he learned the news made him more afraid than any opponent he ever had. He was bedridden a decade ago, recovering from major spinal fusion surgery, and this was a lot scarier than that. 

JC decided he didn't want to frighten or upset his wife, so he took off while he could put his thoughts together. Now he sat on a curb near the sidewalk, a few blocks away from his home. He saw her coming out of the corner of his eye and hurriedly put out his cigarette. He was ashamed that he even took the habit back up, but recent stress forced him to give in to at least one addiction. At least he was still on his medication. His constant companion remained silent and for that he was truly grateful. 

She was fully dressed in a coat, gloves and hat while he only just now noticed he had on a sleeveless shirt. The anger had worn off and the cold snowflakes landed on his bare biceps to remind him that it was winter time in New Jersey. For this reason, among many others, he felt like an idiot.

His wife sat down beside him and pointed at the lingering smoke in the air.

"I hope you stop doing that soon."

"I'm not sure why I started. I was out, I saw them, and I bought a pack. Then after I grabbed one, I got so disgusted with myself I tossed the pack into the sewer."

"Yeah, you're pretty impulsive, alright."

"That I am. Are you mad at me?"

"Not anymore. Are you still mad at me?"

"I was never mad at you. I never could be."

She smiled and took his hand again, before placing her head on his shoulder. He decided not to let her ask, and just explain himself. 

"I'm beyond thrilled that I'm...we're...having a kid. I really am. But at the same time...it's fucking terrifying."

"Joe, I'm sure you'll be a great father."

JC shook his head, then looked directly at her.

"That's not it." 

"Then what?"

He couldn't tell if the tears in his eyes were due to emotion or the stinging cold, but he felt their warmness hit his cheeks regardless. 

"What if the baby's like me? What if it has mental problems? What if I created something only to give it the same fucked up problems I have? These kinds of things are hereditary, aren't they?"

It actually felt better to let it out. The moment she told him she was pregnant, the negative feelings hit him like a tidal wave. It was a thought he had played with occasionally ever since his diagnosis, but now it wasn't fantasy. It wasn't a passing thought. It was real. It was here in his face. His wife, who was at least a month pregnant, if not more. 

The baby was coming and he could only wait to see if he had cursed it with the same defects he had.

Stacy seemed shocked for a moment, then gave him a reassuring smile. It was a smile that told him she'd thought about this too and she had to perfect reply for his anxiety. He realized he acted terribly earlier and felt low about that. Of course she thought of this already. She was the mother. She was the one carrying their child. She probably thought of this and a multitude of other concerns. Not only that, but she was the only one to suffer through them.

Now, they were two.

"Joe, our baby will be perfect. Even if it's not, even if it's flawed in some way to the outside world, it won't matter. It will be perfect because it's ours and we will love it more than we've loved anything else."

He wiped away the tears from what he would later swear was the cold and smiled back at her. He was growing aware of how numb his fingers were as the snowfall began to get heavier.

"You know I will love that baby more than anything. Fuck the OWF. I'm going to be a dad."

They hugged and sat there for a moment, before JC shivered involuntarily, causing a giggle fit between the two. Joe realized how stupid he was acting and how unfair it was to act the way he did. In spite of everything, they would be okay. Nothing else mattered.

As always, they had each other.

As always, this was enough.

They decided to get up and walk back into the house before Joe's stupid decisions gave him frostbite. When they did, he walked into the dining room and looked at the table. It was older now. The middle section had been removed and placed in storage when they realized there weren't going to be many big dinners. There had been scuff marks, one slight burn where he set the wrong pan down and one of the legs had dented. It had seen its fair share of action in the four years since they bought it. It now had a modestly sized dinner on top of it. It wasn't the smorgasbord they had in years past. It was just enough to feed three people and more than enough to feed the happily married couple that now sat at opposite ends.

"Well, I guess we can eat now."

"Merry Christmas, Stace."

"Merr..."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. They both gave each other a look. Neither were genuinely expecting anyone and seemed shocked. Joe and Stacy pushed themselves up and headed back where they came, as the knocking happened again. Joe stood back and let Stacy get it, fully expecting it to be her sister.

"Man, it's cold out there! I think my nipples could cut ice. Did I see Joe outside without sleeves?"

JC could hardly believe his eyes. His brother stood in front of him, and he even had a small box in his hand, which he gave to Stacy. She returned the gesture with a hug.

Joe looked at his wife and gave her a questioning look. She simply smirked at him. Apparently a baby wasn't the only secret she was keeping.

"We saved you a place."

The man known in the ring as GI glanced away from her and then looked up at his big brother. Joe felt so much emotion it had shut off his ability to speak.

"Are you going to invite me in?"

Joe did so, stammering out his words and holding back joyous emotions that were unusual for him. He meant every word he said, but they didn't seem like enough. It felt strange to him how something so small could mean so much. As the night progressed and they were later joined by friends, he would have a lot more to say to all of them. 

Maybe he could finally start enjoying Christmas after all. After all, this was a new beginning in many ways.

"Merry Christmas, bro. I'm glad you're here."