Prelude: Without Fear

A man who thinks he's better than me has repeatedly said that 'changes come'. 

I prefer to say 'the more things change, the more they stay the same.' 

After all, we've had this song and dance before, haven't we? I say something, no one believes me, then I prove them wrong. 

I've said repeatedly in the past month that I've changed and there are still some who don't see it. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think it would be easy to convince anyone. I'm surprised Lucy Wylde is as open to giving me a chance as she is. But at this point I've got CJ breathing down my neck trying to play her savior and I've got my brother willing to beat atonement out of me. 

That's fine. I thrive on pressure. When it comes to what the future holds, I'm not afraid. 

Being fearless is a trait that many people claim to have but very few actually do. I like to think of myself as being in the latter category. I used to call myself The Man Without Fear, because I read a lot of Daredevil comics as a kid. Not only that, but one trait I've always had in that ring is to be absolutely fearless. It's why I have a six-inch scar on the back of my neck. I'd like to think it's the thing I bring to this match that sets me apart.

Of course, I have something else that sets me apart. My mental illness, in spite of what Moxie Roxie claims, is very real and governed my actions for a long time. It's not something that's cured, either. Medicine only does so much. The rest is on me and I have enough of a conscience now to will myself to be better. 

Saying I have a mental illness still feels like an excuse. I'm still aware of what I did. I may not have been in touch with reality 100% of the time, but I was aware enough. That's how I was able to stop myself and force myself to get help. I was the only one who could. Trent tried his best, and I'll never be able to forgive myself for the hell I put him through, but it had to be me that made that decision. It was, after all, my misguided decisions that let it get that bad to begin with. Shaun Stewart was wrong when he said showing mercy was a sign of weakness. 

That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

I could say that my only regret is not doing it sooner, but I think we all know that's not true. I have a lot of regrets these days. As I'm in the back half of my career and I'm thinking clearly for the first time in years, my thoughts go to my legacy. Right now my legacy is tarnished by the things I did when I wasn't myself. 

Fuck, I don't even know what to define"myself" as anymore.

I'm not remembered as the best. I'm not even remembered as good. I'm remembered as the guy who put a woman half his size in a coma because she looked at him the wrong way. That's not what I want for my career, my legacy or my life. I want my name held not only in the same reverence as the best in this company, but beyond them. I'm not alone in this. Every wrestler wants to be the best. They want to be champion. They want to stay champion. If not, then why the hell are you here? 

A lot of people in this place talk about redemption. We even have a guy named Redemption, although I'm pretty sure that's meant to be ironic. All I want is just one chance to prove that I'm everything I've always said I am. I get my chance at Shock and Terror and what a chance it is. 

In order to get the things I want, I have to team with two strangers and an enemy against four people that don't like me very much. I'm not entirely sure it'll work out. Don't get me wrong, I think we'll win...but are we really going to work together? I'd like to think we can. At least Lucy's willing to support my repentance, for which I'm thankful. CJ Wylde's been a bag of dicks all month and I'm probably destined to hate Stewart forever, but I think we can. 

Yes, surprise, I still don't like Shaun Stewart. He did some terrible things to me and I did some terrible things to him. I don't think I'm ever going to like him. But I think we're both savvy enough that we can work together for the greater good for one night only. I would be a hypocrite if I couldn't trust him while expecting everyone else to do the same for me. There will be a day when JC and Shaun Stewart meet up again to finally settle the score, but it is not at Shock and Terror 2016. 

Lorenzo DeMarco seems really upset that I'm teaming with Stewart, as if I had any choice in the matter. I didn't pick him to be on the team. Why would I team with Stewart when, if given the choice, I could have The Rogues on this team? Don't you think an 4-person group of two actual legitimate tag teams would be better than a group of four solo acts that can barely keep their shit together? I don't like him and I'd rather have someone else on the team. That doesn't matter. I can adjust. I've worked with people I don't like before. It's not as difficult as you'd think when you share a common goal. 

As for CJ, I find that situation funny. You would think of all the people on this team, CJ Wylde would be the one I could depend on the most. I was fighting with Lucy and Stewart when I arrived. I think I spoke to CJ, what, one time? CJ's turned into the biggest liability on the team for reasons no one is sure about. Maybe he's bitter because he couldn't hold onto the World title more than a month. If that's the case, he needs to get the fuck over it. There's more at stake now than his fragile ego.

Then there's Lucy. Lucy's trying very hard to be my friend. She's been where I am and has an idea of what I'm going through. That may be why we hated each other so much. It's just science that like objects repel, and that can apply to people too. Lucy Wylde, my biggest critic, is giving me a chance where everyone else is ready to dismiss me. Believe it or not, that increases the pressure on me. Just as I have to prove myself to everyone else, I have to prove to her that she wasn't mistaken in trusting me.

There's recent history between myself and my teammates but there's deeper history with my opponents. Lorenzo DeMarco, Jesse Williams, Moxie Roxie and GI. Maybe we should let the The Wylde Society go home and turn this thing into a Kill JC match. 

Need an example? How about Moxie Roxie? Nobody in the world wants to end me more than Moxie does. Here's something she expects to hear all the time but doesn't get as much as she'd like. She's right. Not only that, but she's justified in her desire to break my neck and force me out of wrestling for good. Moxie, I put you in a coma. A fucking coma. Not only that, but I bragged about it. You may be the most irritating person in the history of professional wrestling but I don't think you deserved that. I know it doesn't get you that time back and I know it won't matter, but I do apologize for what I did. 

I also apologize for what I'm going to do. 

Let's get this straight. I regret what I did before but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you beat me. I'm still going to embarrass you. How could I not? Have you had a conversation with you? If you had your way, we'd all take a count-out loss because we couldn't stop bowing to you at ringside. Even at my most delusional I can't top how out of touch with reality Moxie can get. Are you seeing a shrink about your narcissism? I know a guy. I can probably get you his card by next Addiction.

Congratulations, Moxie, you have a man on anti-psychotic medication pointing out how nuts you are. Your mom must be so proud.

Speaking of proud, she's teaming with a very proud man named Lorenzo DeMarco. Of all the people on this team, Lorenzo has the fewest problems with me. At least I think so. All I did to him was boot him in the face once, which is probably low on the totem pole of mistakes I have to own up to. He's got more of a gripe with Stewart than me. I'm also keeping him from that prize he gets for winning so that automatically makes me a target. In his mind, I'm probably a target he thinks he can beat.

Lorenzo has two checks against me in the win column. Has Lorenzo pinned me? Has Lorenzo made me tap out? The answer to both, friends and neighbors, is no. Of course Lorenzo, being the stand-up guy that he is, has already pointed this out. It's good, almost refreshing in fact, to have an opponent willing to point out their own faults. What he failed to point out about our Determined meeting, however, is that I kicked out of that knee strike he calls "Paid in Full". I guess he still owes me some change on that one. 

I can't really talk, though. I have all the tools to beat you but I haven't. I can claim technicalities on your wins against me but the fact remains that I didn't beat you on either of those occasions either. That has to change at Shock and Terror and I'm going to make sure that it does. If it's down to you or me to get to the top of this promotion, I will climb on top of you to make sure it's me. Since you love the business as much as you do, I know you feel the same way.

There's one problem, one fault with DeMarco that I don't think he's willing to admit. I'm sorry to be the one to say this, but you're a runner-up. You have a passion for this business and you're very good, but just not good enough. You'll be here until your dying day trying to prove otherwise. It's admirable but it's also sad. But I get it, because I'm in a position where I have to prove myself. In spite of my eighteen different title reigns over the years, they mean nothing if I don't prove myself on the grand stage.

Who sits on top of that grand stage? Why none other than our OWF World Champion, Jesse Williams. A lot of folks consider him the franchise around here, and I'd be an idiot to argue. For those who are new, I waged war on Jesse Williams eight years ago, almost to the day. He beat me when it counted and I beat him much later when it didn't. This could be the biggest match of my career, but for you it's just Sunday. It's another day in the office. I sometimes wonder why you're even in it anymore. You have nothing left to prove. 

Now that I've inflated your ego a bit, it's time for me to let the air out. I'm going to beat you. You'll hear CJ Wylde say it, you'll hear Lucy Wylde say it and you'll hear Shaun Stewart say it. Ignore them. Focus on me. Pretend we're the only two in the room and listen well. Whether you want to believe it or not, I have changed. I'm not coming in this match as a madman intent on maiming anyone. I don't want nor do I need to be that person anymore. You're wrong on that front.

However, you're not wrong about everything. I do need to be tested by you. I don't need my morality tested. I don't care about your take on that. You think what you want. The crowds are starting to come around and my best friend is on my side again. The doubtful, as the song says, can take me as I am. When it comes to my future in this business, the opinions of an aloof champion mean nothing to me. 

But I do need to be tested in that ring. Fighting Kaibutsu, Sebastian Steel or Zodiac in the lower midcard isn't going to prove anything to anyone about how good I am. The OWF World Champion, however, that's a true test of my abilities. You think I'll go to any lengths to pin you and you're right. I will. I can go to any lengths to win and still do it the right way. I'll use every once of energy in my body to win this match and even then I'll fight you on fumes. Why the hell wouldn't I? Why would I ever hold back knowing I can beat the best? No matter what my partners think about you, if you hold the title that makes you the best.

I know you're tired of hearing it, but be ready on Sunday, Jesse. Don't be ready for a fight, be ready to put me down. It's cliche, it's overused, but I have to beat you. I need it more than you could ever imagine. I have to prove that I am worth something in this business. More than that, I have to do it the right way. So be ready, because you're getting 100% of me, and I won't settle for anything less than a win. 

The reason I don't need Jesse Williams testing my morality is that the position has already been filled. It's finally time in this long diatribe to save the most important member of the opposing team for last.

Hello, baby brother. 

I'm not sure what I should even say. There will never be a day when I have apologized enough for the hell I put you through.

From the moment you stepped into this business, Eric, I had two dreams. I wanted us to be tag team champions and I wanted to face you one on one when we were at our best. I said it for years. I'm a GI-nital. Remember when you called your fans that? I've always been jealous of your innate ability to adapt in that ring better than anyone. You had it all. You had the talent, the charisma and you never took this job as seriously as the rest of us. You were goofy as hell and still beat anyone that ever doubted you. I envied that. I still do.

Thanks to my actions, the first dream is now completely unattainable and if the second does happen, it will be tainted. I get the feeling we'll never be right again and that's something I'll have to live with. I want to apologize to you most of all. I'm sorry I ruined our relationship. I'm sorry you haven't met Stacy. I'm sorry for the attacks. More than anything else, I'm sorry I killed your spirit back in 2009. I hope that your shenanigans are because you're back to normal and not because you're trying to recapture that carefree attitude you once had.

I could live with a lot of things, but what I can't live with is the fact I destroyed our relationship to the point that you weren't at my wedding. When it came time to try to repair things, I always came up with an excuse. "He doesn't want to talk to me." "It'll be too awkward." "He might start something." That last one was my favorite. It somehow painted me in a positive light for some pretty fucked up acts. 

Eric, I saw you mention to Trent that people don't change. I don't know if I can ever change your mind. I don't think having our first meeting be inside of a huge match like this is the way to do that. What I do know is that everything I said above about needing to beat Lorenzo and Jesse means nothing if I can't convince you this is legitimate. Yes, I'm passionate about this business, and yes, I want to be the best, but if I don't have my brother back in my life then it's hollow. 

I can't do it anymore. I can't live life knowing I have a brother and he hates me. We're all we have. The Lee family is down to three and two of them haven't even met. I know there's a part of you that wants to reconcile, even after all this time. There has to be because you're a good man. You always have been. You're everything I'm not. You might even be better than me in this ring, and that's not something I'd admit about anyone lightly. 

So here's a decision that might cost me, but I'm going to make this statement anyway. I won't fight you. You're going to come down there ready to test me, ready for me to beat the hell out of you just like you want to beat the hell out of me. You do that. 

But I won't fight you.

I'm not stupid. I'm not going to cost myself the match and lose everything to prove a point. I'll still wrestle you. I'll still try to beat you. But if you're expecting a punch or a boot to the face, you can forget it. I'll take your kicks. I'll take your punches and I'll let you get out seven years of frustration out in one fell swoop if it means we can be brothers again. Just don't expect a fight from me. I'm tired of fighting my own flesh and blood. That's not the answer to this situation.

The answer is clear, and it's not annihilation anymore. It's atonement. It's the restoration of a legacy. It's recovery. This main event is the answer to everything I've ever wanted. The solution to the equation. How do I prove myself to everyone? How do I prove I can be a good man and a champion at the same time? This match. Chase Johnson, whether he was trying to take me down a peg or simply make his life a little easier, has given me quite the gift. 

You see, there's a little prize at the end of this I haven't mentioned until now. I can walk out of this event with a guaranteed World title match. If I can beat you four, I'll get an OWF World title shot whenever I want. I would become the sword that hangs over Damocles' head. No matter who has the title or who they beat, they would know that soon, maybe very soon, the sword would come crashing down and end their life on top.

But the tactical advantage isn't even what I'm after. Just the shot. Just one shot. I don't care if it's at Jesse Williams. I don't care if CJ beats Jesse at Brawltopia and becomes the new champion. If I can beat you four, I'll get that shot. I'll get the opportunity at the one thing that means more to me than anything else in this business. So yeah, I'll team with a hated enemy. I'll team with a man that wants me crippled. As much as I hate it, I'll face my brother's one-man firing squad. I'll do it all for this one shot, because one shot is all I need. Once I get it, I'll be the uncrowned champion.

As far as I'm concerned, nothing's changed. The only thing that will is the way people see me when Shock and Terror is over. It's time to prove that I'm worth something. It's time to be fearless. I hope they take my words seriously and I hope they realize they'll need something really special to get me out of that ring. This is an important night for me. It might be the most important. Sunday night, when I face the doubtful and the biggest challenge of my career, I'll do it just as I have everything else in my entire life.

Without fear.

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Designated Villain